Crash the (Cis)tem.

I am so sick of people asking me for my “Preferred Pronouns.”

This is not to say that the idea of a pronoun preference itself isn’t valid - because it very much is. Every person should be validated in their own feeling of Self.

It is more a comment on my own internal struggle.

She / Her / Hers ?

They / Them / Theirs?

Had I been born into the next generation, I am sure this would be a much easier distinction to make for myself. At least, it seems to be for all of the Gen-Zer’s who are all so confident in their gender and sexualities, (even before they should know what “sexuality” even is.)

The gender binary is a construct that we have created ourselves over the last few centuries. In the Western world, gender/sex is traditionally viewed as binary, with people falling into one of two categories: male or female. However, this is not the way the world has always worked. Before modern world religions, the ancients were actually quite accepting of people outside of this “binary” system ; even revering them as lucky, honored and celebrated.

In the ancient Indian tradition there were the Hijras - namely Shiva, and his merging with his wife to become the androgynous Ardhanari. The Native Americans had the “two-spirit” people, who the people acknowledged were neither men, nor woman - and who combined the aspects of all genders. The Natives even recognized three other genders besides these Two-Spirits. And of course there is the Greek God Hermaphroditus, son of Aphrodite and Herme, who is often depicted as a winged creature with the chest of a woman, and the genitalia of a man. The list continues on, and on.

So where exactly did this hatred and prejudice come from, if our ancients praised these people? Why do we insist on buying pink clothes and baby dolls for little girls, and blue clothes and trucks for little boys? Why do we try to fit children inside of such tiny boxes, and refuse to allow them to grow into whatever best fits THEM. It stunts their growth, and limits their possibilities into such narrow and biased categories.

“Historically, the U.S. enforced a rigid gender binary to support its relentless growth, eliminating any traces of those that threatened its perception of normalcy.”

At least, that’s how Alex Chen puts it - an androgynous, nonbinary journalist for InDesign. They also discuss how the Colonists wiped out the beliefs and traditions of the natives, and forced them into “cultural assimilation.” They continued on through the centuries, eventually wiping out the Mahu of the Hawaiian Islands, and the Bakla of the Philippines “through banning cultural rituals and enforcing strict cis-hetero standards.”

The Cis-Hetero standards that Alex brings up are these incredibly harmful boxes I am suggesting. The imperative of being exactly the same as everyone around you is stifling though, and an unachievable accommodation - especially when it just WON’T fit.

These days though, we are finally having an emergence of gender nonconforming celebrities - each one pushing the boundaries further than what’s expected by mainstream media, and many losing followers for it. People like Demi Lavato, Ruby Rose, Jonathan Van Ness, Sam Smith, Cara Delavine - all making the way for other non-conformers to feel seen and accepted.

All of these people, (along with some serious soul searching,) are making me realize that maybe viewing myself as “she” is over simplifying how I truly see myself. I have “conformed” for my entire life, because it is what I knew ; it was easy - it was there. But what if it’s not the truth? What if it doesn’t fit? Does that somehow make me less than?

I do not think there is a world in which this stereotype could ever be constructive. To immediately place a person in a box by the shape of their body will always be harmful, and will never push that person to true potential. The day that we are finally able to crash this (Cis)tem, will be the day that we are finally able to see true equity and equality between all people.

If you can’t tell me what my brain says - how it thinks, works, and feels - don’t assume my gender. Just because I have a couple lumps of fatty tissue on my chest, does not inherently make me “she.” If I don’t know which pronoun fits best, if my brain can’t comprehend the immensity - how can you?

Stop asking. The answer is I still don't know.

Your gender is between your ears, not your legs.